It’s April and in 2 months I will turn 25. I honestly feel older than my age in spirit but at the same time I’m also freaking out because I’m getting older which means aging. My body isn’t the same as it used to be. When I was younger I didn’t care so much about my body and I would eat junk food morning-dinner and I would stay thin, I had curves, and I didn’t work out at all. As I’m getting older I find it so hard to not gain weight and I can’t eat whatever I want. I read a book that changed the way I eat and I re-read it everytime I get off track it’s called Skinny Bitch by Rory Freedman and Kim Barnouin. Even though those girls are Vegan I just eat lean meats. I got off track and I’m eating junk food again and my two #1 flaws are 1. Sweets 2. Bread oohhh how I love those things and it’s hard to stay away from it!
Friends say “oh your so skinny blah blah blah” but they don’t know the truth! They don’t see me naked and now I refuse to wear shorts. I believe there are 3 different types of skinny categories.
1. Anorexic looking skinny- When people are super super skinny and they don’t look healthy that they may have a eating disorder.
2. Flabby skinny- (this one is me right now 😦 ) Girls that are thin but are made up of flab.
3. Skinny healthy- (where I want to be) Girls who eat right and work out and have a toned slim body.
Right now I’m #2 and seriously I don’t have any upper body strength because I don’t work out. I’m considered skinny but my arms and legs are flabby and it’s not cute. My mom tells me I’m getting cellulite in the back of my legs. I even compared my arm to a friend who is a little bigger than me and her arms aren’t as flabby as mine. I need to stop being lazy and start working out. I think I gained weight since I stopped working and just focused on becoming a full time student. I make healthy choices but I love sweets and like I said I need to re-read Skinny Bitch. I need to make these changes right now because when I get older it will be even harder to loose weight! The slap in the face when I realized I gained weight were that my baggy Victoria’s Secret PINK black jean shorts wouldn’t even button up AT ALL! I started freaking out I mean I wore those shorts last year and they were so baggy on me that when I wore my backpack they would rise up. My jeans don’t fit anymore and nor do my bras! I REFUSE! to buy jeans, shorts, and bras again I WILL WORK OUT AND FIT INTO THEM AGAIN! I’ve been a US size 0 for a long time and to realize that I will need a bigger size scares me! Maybe you will think of me like most of my friends but this is my blog and this is how I truly feel and his is my way of expressing how I feel.
I know aging is a process of life but I also wish I were immortal. I love vampires and I wish I were one lol. I feel older than what I am in spirit maybe that’s why I like and am attracted to older men. But in my appearance I don’t want to get older. I’m glad I’m not getting crows feet but I’m getting wrinkles underneath my eyes 😦 I’ve taken pictures to do future reviews of makeup products and I don’t even want to post them because of the wrinkles 😦 I know I do look younger than what I am but still wrinkles= aaaaaaaa. I’m going to start using eye wrinkle cream since I don’t, to see if it helps and hope it won’t get worse.
Another thing about getting close to 25 is that I’m not where I pictured myself to be when I was younger. When I was younger I honestly thought I’d be married, maybe have kids, and have a home. I’m no where near those things I’m not even finished with school I don’t even have a boyfriend. Men here or shall I say “boys” here are all the same, think the same, listen to the same music, blah blah boring. That’s why I like men from other countries or that have a cultural diversity. I think I’m having a midlife crisis not soo bad but I just don’t know where I stand, or what my purpose is yet
I’m going to start working out, eating a healthy diet, and when I get to the point I want to be I will post pictures of the before and after. I’ll also just live life day by day because you never know what’s going to happen. I hope and wish this year will be better than last year.