Hello lovlies I’m back to blogging….wooo took me 3 months haha. I sincerely apologize to my followers but I’m coming back to the internet little by little. I wanted to “get away” for a bit and have alone time, I wasn’t in the mood to be my usual cheerful self and I don’t like to be negative. I update my Instagram and sometimes I Tweet. I think the main reason why I haven’t had the desire to blog is because I wanted to avoid a certain subject that I’m going to talk about. I could avoid talking about this but this is a blog about my life and it’s a event in my life that is important to me and I will share with you.
In January I was excited to start the New Year fresh. I have a draft saved about my New Years resolutions and all the accomplishments that I would like to do this year. Unfortunately things have been happening in my life that haven’t been so well. The good thing is that my little brother had his heart surgery and he is better and recuperating fast I want to say thank you to everyone who wished him well or prayed for him it meant a lot ❤
Towards the end of December and beginning of January my grandma wasn’t doing so well. She fell and fractured 3 ribs and her pelvis, so she was laying down or sitting down most of the time. Before she went to the hospital we visited her and we spent time with her. She was going to go to sleep and I helped her in bed because she couldn’t walk very well and her leg was swollen, I said goodbye and goodnight to her and I told her “I hope you get better”, she grabbed my shoulders and looked into my eyes and said “I’m not going to get better” I said “yes you are your’e just a little older and it will take longer for you to get better but you will” and she said “I know I’m not” and she hugged me very tight and gave me the hardest kiss on my cheek that she has ever given me. I left her house without saying what she told me to anyone. I didn’t want to worry my family but in my heart I had the feeling that she knew something was going to happen.
Her leg became very swollen, so my aunt took her to the hospital on a Monday. I didn’t know she was in the hospital; my aunt didn’t tell us because she didn’t want to “worry my dad” since he was out of town for business. I found out Thursday and from that day on I went to the hospital everyday to visit her. She had a blood clot in her lower leg.
At first she was in pain but still cheerful and talking to us like normal. I remember every time I visited her she would always tell me “your’e so beautiful, so beautiful” I was a little surprised because she would never tell me that before and I would tell her she was beautiful too.
She hated hospitals and wanted to leave as soon as possible but she couldn’t. Her health started declining and I didn’t understand why, she went to the hospital because of the blood clot in her leg so why was she getting worse? Well my aunts finally tell us that she has cancer in her lymph nodes for about 3 years. I don’t know why my grandma didn’t want to tell anyone in the family about her cancer I think it’s because she didn’t want to worry anyone, but I still don’t know why. They were monitoring the cancer and it was very small, and then they checked when she was at the hospital and it spread.
The first couple of days when she was in the hospital she was fine she was talking and laughing. Then the next day she couldn’t move her hands that much. Then the day after that she couldn’t speak anymore. It really hurts to see someone deteriorate in front of you and you wish you could do something about it but there is nothing you can do.
Even though she couldn’t speak anymore and couldn’t keep her eyes open I knew she could still hear and comprehend. I spoke to her in her ear and I started telling her all the wonderful things she taught me and I was thankful for. She taught me how to draw, paint, sing, and I get my love of my arts and crafts from her. When I told her these things she smiled and I knew she could still comprehend what we were saying. She then opened her eyes and smiled and I told her I loved her and she tried to speak but she couldn’t but I read her lips and I told her I know you’re trying to say I love you too and she smiled. I knew she was frustrated because she was trying to speak and nothing would come out but the fact that I told her I know what you’re saying to me she looked relieved her message got out.
The following days she couldn’t respond anymore, not with her eyes or even a faint smile. I accepted that she wasn’t going to live much longer, and I didn’t like seeing her in pain so I knew it was for the best. I’m not one to be scared of death because I feel like it is a process of life. When your time comes it comes no one is prepared for it, and that’s why I think and always say enjoy each day of your life because you never know when it will be your last. But the fact of seeing someone decline in front of your eyes is very heartbreaking.
When my grandma was in the hospital she kept saying she wanted to go home. When she couldn’t speak anymore we asked her do you want to go home and she nodded yes. My grandpa and family decided it would be best to bring her home because that was her last wish. I helped my aunt and dad clean out her room to prepare for a company to bring a hospital bed.
The day they brought her home was a day of relief I guess, because we thought oh she’s back home maybe she will get better. She loved to have a full house of her children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren. She would always make food for us and loved when we were united and together. That day everyone was there at her house we all visited her and talked to her, we were there all day and night. We said goodnight to her and went home. She passed away a couple of hours after at 3 am January 18. I think she felt relieved to be at home because that’s where she wanted to be and finally be at rest.
A long time ago I brought back a pearl necklace and bracelet from Hawaii, they weren’t expensive but they were very pretty. I always noticed that she would wear it and she always remembered that I gave it to her, and she was buried with them. I’ve had 2 dreams of her recently. When I see her in my dreams I’m so happy and she is too and we give each other a big hug and kiss and I always feel like it’s real because I feel warmth from her when I hug her.
It was a very sad experience but I also learned a lot. I don’t know if by reading this you will learn some things too. I do feel very very sad for my grandpa. He loved my grandma so much and was the most faithful man I’ve ever known. I don’t think he can live without her because they were together for over 70 years. He is still very sad to this day but if God decides to take him I will accept it because they are that type of couple that are meant to be together forever.
This was a very hard blog post to write but I’m glad I did it. I feel that now I can write more and continue with my blog because it’s a outlet for me. I’ve bought many products that I have yet to review, and a closet that I’m going to clean out and have a sale because I don’t use most of my things so I might as well sell it and let someone else enjoy it as much as I did. So don’t forget about me :*